Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Lesson from a client going through Divorce

This woman that I have been coaching over the past few months just finalized a nasty divorce. Even though she is ready to move on with her life as a 'single, independent' woman again, her ex-husband is not making this easy for her.

Without getting into the details, let's just say 'it's a messy & draining' situation which involves 4 kids and a lot of 'baggage from the past'.

When I was speaking with her the other day, I asked her 'How do you want this situation to play out? What do you want to happen?' At first, she did not directly answer the question. She just went back to all the negative stuff that was happening with her ex-husband. She was re-living all the negative, sticky situations over and over again.

I then gave her an analogy. I said to her ...
What if you were to get in your car, but you didn't know where you were going ...
would you get anywhere???

Then I proceeded to show how the analogy would apply to her life if she just started to visualize the outcome that she would like to see happen and what she would do with her life then.
I also told her to 'be inquisitive' and 'ask lots of questions'! Up till now, she just signs all the legal papers and assumes that her lawyer knows what she is doing and puts her 100% trust in her. However, based on the outcome of many of the situations she is in, her gut keeps on telling her ...
'Something is not right.'
'This lawyer does not have my best interests at heart.'
'I keep on getting the short end of the deal.'

Long story made short ... I saw this woman today. She was bubbling with joy and smiling from ear to ear. She bought a new car today (Certified Used at Hertz), since her old one did not have heat and was falling apart and still had her ex-husband's name on it. She asked lots of questions at the Hertz Sales place. She took herself out to lunch today. She noticed a woman that was very happy and humming a tune while she was getting her salad. She said to the woman 'Wow … I want what you have!'. The woman said 'go ahead… you can have the blue cheese dressing.'
She said 'NO, I mean the fact that you are so happy and singing ... I want that feeling!' (Now, I must tell you that this was out of character for my client ... she usually does not speak to other people). She also called a new lawyer to ask some questions that her current lawyer has still yet to address.

She went to H&R block ... the list goes on. She told me that my words were stuck in her head and that she just had to do something for herself ... the analogy of driving the car and knowing where you are going really worked for her! She was happy today!

So, where are you going? Do you have a clear vision of what you really want in your life? If not, WHY NOT?

Take an active role in your future. Yes, sometimes things do not turn out the way we would like them to, but having a vision that pulls us forward and makes us happy is something that is going to serve us far better than the vision of all that negative stuff that is happening or has happened and we keep on re-living every single day. That only drags us down more. Do yourself a favor and picture yourself in that car and decide where YOU want to go with your life.

Take some baby steps. You could feel elated, just like this woman and experience joy (maybe for the first time in a long time) --- and let me tell you, this woman's face said it all. She was different. She exuded confidence, hope, and happiness! And it was contagious…. Her kids looked happy for her and were more joyous themselves.

Yes, our happiness (or misery) is contagious to those around us. So, what type of attitude do you want to share with others and have them take on?

So, where are you driving your 'car of life' to this week, next month, this year? Think about it. May this story inspire you to take at least one action step that will put a smile on your face, like it did this woman!

For a coaching consultation, contact me at Maria@InvincibleMD.com .

P.S. Here's a GREAT stress relief tool ... CLICK HERE
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Warmest Regards,
Maria C. Lesetz
Lovin' Life
Certified Life Coach for Doctors
& Motivational Speaker

Are you a Visionary, Doc?

Do you have BIG visions for your future? Do you dream big? Do you even have a vision or do you find it difficult to envision things and "see" and "imagine" your dreams?

You are a visionary whether you think you are or not -- did you know that?

The question is 'Are you using your visionary abilities to your benefit?'

Have you ever thought to yourself:
'I don't think BIG. I am NOT a visionary! I can't think beyond what's happening NOW!'

If so, let me tell you a story ...
A good friend of mine that I have known for a long time has told me that she is not a visionary like me and that she can't think beyond now. When I have asked her to envision exactly what she wants to happen in her life, she just looks at me and says 'That's not me; I can't envision things like you can!' I recently challenged her on this when she started to envision the potential negative in a situation (that didn't even happen yet). I asked her 'So tell me, how come you can cook up in your head these elaborate visions of the negative, right down to every little detail of what 'could happen', but you can't do that with what you REALLY want to happen in your life?' Then I proceeded to tell her 'You are a Visionary – you just choose to only envision the negative side of the future – That's a choice!'

And let me tell you that my friend had one hell of an elaborate, detailed, creative imagination when it came to visioning the negative aspect of what could happen in her particular situation. Some of her visions (which were tied to her fears) were quite 'out there' and far removed from her current situation. She described the series of events that 'could' happen just like a movie – with multiple scenes and the big sad ending! I don't know about you, but I think that if I am going to choose to think 'way out of the box' on what could happen in my life, I would much rather be creating positive scenarios that are 'out there' as opposed to the negative ones. Would you agree?

Back to the conversation with my friend:
Then, she proceeded to ask me 'Why do you think I do that? Why do you think I am real good at running the gamut of scenarios that are negative?' I told her that I really don't know the exact reason but that it could be a host of things. Maybe it's the way she has been brought up; maybe it's the media (she watches a lot of news and reads the paper every day); maybe it's that nobody ever brought it to her attention that she can choose to use that same imagination in the positive sense ... The list can go on. But instead of focusing on the 'Why (she thinks this way)', I told her to focus on the 'Why NOT start NOW?' (i.e., Why not start exercising your brain to imagine all the POSITIVE SCENARIOS that could happen?)

It's fascinating to me that 'the negative' side of things is something that most of us seem to be able to connect with, more than the positive side.

I told my friend that day that when I find myself going to a negative thought, I stop and remind myself that the thought I am having at that point may very well influence the outcome in that situation. Sometimes, just this reminder alone, makes me snap out of it! When the reminder doesn't work, I shift my focus to the positive side of things. My philosophy is 'if you are willing to give time to the negative, then at least give equal weight to the positive – make it 50%/50%
-- that's only fair!' The goal would be, of course, to give more weight to the positive than the negative side of a situation (at least 90% positive / 10% Negative - -that's the statistician in me - -always looking for at least 90% - -I actually prefer 95%! ). And if my friend can focus 95% of the time on the possible negative outcomes, isn't it possible that she could one day turn this around and focus 95% of the time on the positive scenarios that could occur?

I also suggested the following to my friend 'When you find yourself thinking up all the negative scenarios that could happen, ask yourself: Is this what I REALLY want to happen? Is this what God would want for me?'

Does YOUR MIND run the gamut of negative outcomes when you are experiencing a life challenge? Do you ever stop and attempt to 'run the gamut' of positive scenarios that could happen as a result of what you are experiencing?

Don't fool yourself, YOU ARE A VISIONARY! It's just a matter of how you are using your visionary abilities --- are they making you feel worse or better? If your visions move you forward and give you something to look forward to and put a smile on your face, then you are using your visionary talents to your benefit.

But if your visions only make you feel worse and put you deeper into a depression or 'negative place', then you are using your thoughts and visions to disempower you. Take note ... pay attention next time you are cookin' up all those wild visions of how bad the future can be and snap yourself out of it! Strengthen your 'positive imagination' muscle at that time – exercise it. Think out loud all the things that you would like to happen, all the things that are positive that could happen. Write these positive scenarios down. Keep on developing your ability to envision the positive outcomes. If you do, you will begin to see a change in what you attract into your life and a great improvement in your overall quality of life!

YOU ARE A VISIONARY ... Now go use it to your advantage!

Create an extraordinary Lovin' Life week for yourself!

P.S. For a GREAT stress relief took ... CLICK HERE

Warmest Regards,
Maria C. Lesetz
Lovin' Life
Certified Life Coach for Doctors
& Motivational Speaker